Friday, February 9, 2018

Friends you need

You will realize real fast I am a huge country music fan. One that has come to mind a lot during my Broken Halo experience is a song by Tracy Lawrence "Find Out Who Your Friends Are."

Get yourself in a bind, 
lose the shirt off your back 
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare 

This is where the rubber meets the road 
This is where the cream is gonna rise 
This is what you really didn't know 
This is where the truth don't lie 

You find out who your friends are 

There was a time in my life where I knew if I really needed anything there would be people that would do it for me. If they couldn't do it for me they knew someone who could. It was as if my friends' list was the size of my Facebook friends list. Like all these people really did want to be a part of my life. Then the Halo broke and not much was left.

This isn't news to you I am sure, especially if you have a broken halo. I go into more detail on some of this in my previous post, When The Applause Stops, so I won't rehash that.  I wanted to take this time to look at what type of friends you need to have in life, and then in a later post I'll rant about people who pissed me off but I'll title it, friends you don't need.

Before we get started I want to stress that none of these types will be healthy in a vacuum. That is you need a mix of friends, and sometimes one friend can be multiple. Some of the best friends are ones who know what kind of friend you need and become it for you but lets not get ahead of ourselves.

1. DTF
To be clear that's Down to FIGHT. Having a a friend that is the other DTF might make your problems worse. This friend has only one person in the fight. Whether your broken halo is personal, relational, religious, occupational or otherwise this person. is in your corner and your corner only. "Everyone one else is stupid, that boss is a moron, of course you did what you did and for good reason" These are often the first people we run to. Grab the case of beer and head over. Let it all out! Spill it all, and they never blink, they never make you feel crazy. Even if you know you are crazy and you know they know you are a little off right now they don't make you feel that in the moment. They will fight a losing fight with you. They will go to battle blindly.

If you don't have a DTF friend, get one. They're fun, they let you get the crazy out. When you have fallen you know you have a lot of crazy in your head, get some of it out. These are the friends you share your outrageous, never going to happen, imagine if, thoughts. This is helpful for one main reason, when you say some of the stupid that's inside out loud, you can laugh, and laughing is what you need when you break.

2. Someone who has the t-shirt
Hopefully you have a friend who can relate in some way shape or form to what you're going through. Having this person allows you to see possible outcomes depending on how you take your next steps. If I respond to my situation in the same manner that they have what might my life look like? One of the quickest ways out of your broken place is to be able to clearly see a possible future. It won't be just like theirs, but if they are in a favorable spot what did they do to get there? If they aren't in a place you want to be, what choices can you make differently? Spend time with them. Ask a lot of questions.

This is a great time to process your emotions and think critically about your next steps.

3. A shoulder to cry on
Listen..... you screwed up royally or someone screwed you royally. Cry. Seriously, its OK. One of my first thoughts was "I need my mom". It is unlikely that your mom is as awesome as mine, because she sets the bar real high, but you need a safe place to cry. Stop being all tough for ten minutes and just let it all out. It will feel good. Ugly cry even, sob, get snotty and choked up and let it go! You will feel good.

I'm not a doctor, but there are real benefits to crying. Do your self a favor, and find a safe shoulder to cry on. I think the previous generation as done us men a great disservice in the realm of men crying. Guys... we cry and its OK. You are hurt and its deep, let it out.

4. Truth Speaker
There are more than 4 types but you've probably already stopped reading so Ill stop after this one. I'd go here last. At some point you need someone to call you are your crap. It is likely that in some way shape or form you have contributed to your broken place. If not this probably isn't the blog for you.

A week after my Broken Halo experience I spent about 5 hours with my truth teller. It made me angry and I fought going, but I knew that if I really wanted to move forward in any direction I needed to take a long look in the mirror. I needed to see and hear what I had been hiding. You've heard it before; the truth hurts, but you cant get better if you don't face the facts. The truth speaker will force you to wrestle with the parts of you you want to run from.

Don't take any of their advice
It is likely you will get advice from all of these people. Don't do anything they tell you to do. Don't hear what I'm not saying. Recieve it all but dont make descions just because they told you something that sounded good. You have to live with whatever move you make next. Will it effect others? Absolutely. But you are the one who will be responsible for however it is you choose to move forward. Take it all in, breathe it all back out. Don't let anyone force you to make a decision you aren't ready to make about how you move forward.

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